I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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