my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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