why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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