He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
