Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
