She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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