We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize