the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
