I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
