please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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