sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
