how can u be prego again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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