I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
