dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
