Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
