JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
