I look better un-naked...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
