I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
