Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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