Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
