I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I smell like Dick and happiness
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
