I need help removing her.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
