So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
