Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There's even glitter on my cock...
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