I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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