I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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