i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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