I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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