I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
