Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
