May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
