i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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