We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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