i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
