Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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