Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well you can't waste a boner
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
