She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
