Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
