Kareoke will never be a sober sport
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
