If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize