His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
