Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
