You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
