So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
only you would photoshop your dick
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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