i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
