I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
