I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this will be a night to untag.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
