i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
