new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
