i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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