Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
