I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize