At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
