God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
