Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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