i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Alive.
So much puke
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
