TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
