the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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