I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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