I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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