Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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