I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I deserve this hangover.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
