no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
