Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
