I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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