Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
