I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
