We won't sleep together?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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