don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
