Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.