I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's get the cat blown out
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.