i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning