oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?