too bad you live with your parents still
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.