dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.