Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.