You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Mom said you looked used
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
