i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
