You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
