i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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