I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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