Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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