just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
