a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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