Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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